Bullying Awareness Month

Apparently October is national bullying awareness month. I’m not sure how I am just finding out about this especially since the color for national bullying month is orange and my favorite color has always been orange.  Anyway yesterday I was part of a discussion on an instagram page a follow and many of us were discussing our experiences with bullying as people with disabilities and loved ones of people with disabilities and it really got me thinking about what I think bullying is.  I live in a part of our county where I feel I am safe in saying that education about disability and laws pertaining to those of us with disabilities is lacking.  Many people labor under the assumption that those of us with disabilities are to be taken care of and to inspire but we are not generally seen as full contributors to our communities. Generally in my day to day activities it still shocks people that I am responsible for several small humans during a given day, that I have a college degree, that I have  family who doesn’t have issues with me living an hour away from them ,and most of all that I don’t spend all my time wishing I could get around without my various mobility aids.   But those ideas themselves don’t make someone a bully.  In fact many people are very kind, but their idea of what a person with a disability is often trips them up in their interaction with me.   Here’s some real life examples from my day to day life.

1. Stopping  me on the street to ask me where my caregiver or parent is.
2  Offering to help me cross the street because the person is sure I’m not able to do that alone
3  Telling me that it’s super worrying that I’m doing something alone because who will help me when I need it.  And then telling me that my explanation isn’t allaying your fears.
4 Stopping me in a store to make sure I understand that I can’t just take something  (You know you have to pay right?)
5 Asking if you can pray for or lay hands on me because it will bring about my total healing and then I’ll have a happy life.
6 Asking me  inappropriate personal questions about my body or sex life because you’ve always wanted to ask.
All these things are awkward inappropriate and exhausting to be asked on a regular basis but they aren’t to my mind anyway actual bullying. They come from people who I like to believe have an interest or an actual concern but aren’t educated in the right way to engage a person who they see as different.

Bullying is about making someone feel bad about being themselves.  Attacking their self worth.  It’s about the bully’s need to feel superior or better about themselves and in my opinion  has nothing whatsoever to do with the person who is the target. Children often bully other children because they have low self esteem themselves or they think it will make the popular , some kids do it because they don’t want to be bullied themselves.  For children there is always hope to educate , there is hope that as they grow and mature they will understand why bullying is wrong. I know I did things as a kid and young adult I would love to take back.  Adults who bully, to be honest  I can’t think of any forgivable reason  for adults  who feel the need to bully but I have personal examples of that too.  Because it’s important to understand the difference if you want to be an ally.

1.Yelling retard out your car window as you pass by
2 loudly annoucing to a supermarket aisle full of people that you hope I’m not using my food stamps that you paid for to buy bathroom cleaner  (No food stamps here dude, but what are you saying poor people don’t deserve clean bathrooms?)
3 Following me around a public park and threating to call the police because you don’t think I an capable/allowed to be alone with kids
4. Sitting down uninvited at a table with me to whisper to me I need to get a job and stop being lazy
5  “You can’t possibly be a person of faith, People of faith don’t have handicaps.  What did you/your parents do to make you this way.?”
6. Watching the way I walk and then screaming out in a crowd of people that I’ve had more than enough to drink.
I could probably fill a book with the ridiculously obnoxious things total strangers have said to me in an effort to exert some sort of power over me.  Because they see me as weak or want to make sure I know my place in the pecking order of human beings. Sometimes it hurts me but mostly I just feel that the person isn’t very smart.  On the rare occasion that I decide to speak out to people who do this most of them slink off in embarrassment.  Once a person started to cry when she realized I actually had a reason for doing what I was doing. I never actually spoke to her, she was busy trying to say she was sorry.  And I suppose I could have heard her out but I got to keep it real  as an adult when you make the decision to bully I don’t have time for your I’m sorry’s Because to me that’s an I’m sorry I got caught acting foolishly.  I want to spend my time and energy with  people who have a genuine interest in learning about my life with CP  or getting to know me.  This also applies to those who say something nasty and follow it up with “oh not you I didn’t man you. I know you.’ No adult should have to know someone with a disability or any other perceived difference or their story to treat them with respect.   That’s really the bottom line for me.  If we all start from a place of basic respect there will be no need for apologies or blog posts and instagram feeds with stories like this   On a personal note one of the reasons I  am super excited about the prospect of a new service dog is that I experience much less bullying and social violence when I am with a service dog.  I want to thank all of your support thus far.  Anyone who is interested in finding out more or supporting me in this amazing journey please see the links at the top of the blog.  (I am so excited that I finally figured out how to put links on my blog!!!).   Have a great day my friends and remember to keep doing you 💚😊

Exciting News and New Adventures

Happy Saturday  Friends

  There is some exciting news in my part of the world and I’ve enlisted a mystery guest to help me tell you all about it,  Just about 3 years ago my  new partner (Laura) showed up at Susquehanna Service Dogs for her Initial interview,   She doesn’t know my name yet but my friends at SSD told me all about her. She was super nervous and a little bit sad because she missed her dog Nikki who had just passed.  Getting matched with one of us is a long process so she knew she needed to apply as soon as possible. At first it’s a lot of forms. The people here at SSD need to make sure that the right person gets matched with the right dog so, she filled out lots of questionnaires.  Some of her friends and family filled out forms too. All to make sure she could provide me a great home. . Then there was that initial interview where they asked her lots of questions about her life and personality. They also talked about all the ways a dog like me could help make her life better.  Then the wait began. I wasn’t even born yet. In that time Laura got a college degree and is now looking for a job but she thought about what being matched would be like almost every day. Then in September an email came inviting her to come meet some of us here who were waiting for our match. Again there were lots of questions about things she would like for me to help her with.  There were also lots of questions about what my life will be like when I live with her. They asked her about where I would sleep ( I know that sometimes I might get to sleep in her bed with her) and made sure I will have places to play when I’m not working. I was also told there’s a big park near her apartment where lots of dogs play. I can’t wait for that. Then we got to meet!! Now like I said she doesn’t know which of us she matched with yet because she met 4 of us that day. We are very lucky that we met on her first visit. All she knows right now is that I am a boy.  But that’s because she only met boys on her visit. I am learning all the special things I need to learn to be her partner right now. She is getting ready to bring me home. We are both very excited and can’t wait until we meet officially and that’s where you all could really help us out. It takes a lot of money to bring a specially trained dog like me home. We need to raise $ 8000 . Service dogs like me cost around $20,000 dollars to train Laura’s part of that is $5000 .   She also needs to be able to get back and forth to two and a half weeks of training or stay in the area which will require a hotel and transportation to and from training events Her disability prevents her from driving so we’ll have to do whatever will work best to make sure we don’t miss anything we need to know. We’d both be so grateful for any help you give. Even just sharing our story with people you know, to help us get the word out.

We are leaving the links for Susquehanna Service Dogs website. So you can all learn about the amazing place where I’m getting all my training. Susquehanna Service Dogs also has a facebook page with lots of great puppy pictures. If you have facebook check it out! https://www.gofundme.com/help-us-start-out-on-the-right-paw And the Link to our gofundme in case you want to help us out by donating to our fund or spreading the word.Susquehanna Service Dogs. Help us Start out on the Right Paw

Thanks so much for helping us start out our journey on the right paw. We can’t want to share the next adventure
PS. This amazingly cute picture is not me but it shows one of my buddies in  training practicing service dog skills.
** All pictures used with permission of Susquehanna Service Dogs

What did she say?

Hello my friends.  I am sorry for the radio silence but I’m taking the time  to get my head on straight. Having a disability means, well at least for me, it means things can get overwhelming.  It’s not the phyical limits that cerebral palsy places on me.  Those can get annoying but for the most part I’m adjusted to those, since those things have been part of my life forever.  It’s more often  the emotional work and preparation I have to do to go out in the world and live my best life.   It can wear on a person to know that every time they leave the confines of their own space someone will make a comment about them.   Honesly Friends there are.days, when if I  do not have to leave my house I just don’t.  Understand this is not about my feelings.  It takes a lot more than someone I don’t know saying something nasty to hurt me   The repetive nature of comments about my abilities just becomes exhausting.  Positive well meaning comments or negative nasty ones , there isn’t much of difference in how tired I get of listening or explaining, something to someone.  Or smiling at someone who is only trying to be friendly by asking me if I want to race them using my scooter, or if I’ve every gotten a speeding ticket.  I strive to be kind in those interactions because  the intention is to be funny.  They don’t have anyway of knowing that I hear that “joke” many times a week    Last week I had the most ridiculously funny thing happen to me.  So I thought I’d share it with you all.  One day I was going about the mundane things of daily life a woman approached.  She stopped me and exclaimed with all the wonderment and surprise that  usually happens when people like this stop me .  Oh how wonderful  I was out alone and could do various things without a helper.  That happens to me often enough that I usually say something to the affect of yes, I am pretty independent smile at the person and move on with my day.  But this lady went on at some length in that voice that people usually reserve for small children. I couldn’t  find an exit. Graceful or otherwise and so I listened to her go on about how my parents must be so impressed  with the things I can do,.  There’s this point when people are using that voice that I tend to tune out what they are saying.  So I was thinking about the other things I had to do that day , until she said “Most people with Downs, need much more help than you do you should be proud of yourself.   (Wait wait what did she just say???).  I said ma’am I don’t have Down’s  Syndrome.   She patted me on the shoulder and said  “that’s right my friends and I call it up’s syndrome.”  For the first time in a very long time I was flabbergasted.  That was the most ridiculous ten minutes of interaction I’ve ever been involved with.  I’m not sure why she thought what she thought.  I’m not particularly well versed in all the in and outs of what it like to live with Down’s Syndrome.  Except what I can glean from the few children I know.  I don’t know any adults with Down syndrome  personally.  I can only guess that she has slightly  removed experience with that particular condition (not the best word I know) and so when she saw me  she thought, that must be my struggle as well.   I honestly believe she meant what she said to me as encouragement or compliment but if I could have those ten minutes back  I would love to tell her that Down’s Syndrome got it’s name because the person who identified  it  last name happened to be Down.  Somehow I think that would have been lost on her and just made me seem snarky and bitter.  In truth, I really needed that .... the whole thing was an amazing stress reliever.