Bullying Awareness Month

Apparently October is national bullying awareness month. I’m not sure how I am just finding out about this especially since the color for national bullying month is orange and my favorite color has always been orange.  Anyway yesterday I was part of a discussion on an instagram page a follow and many of us were discussing our experiences with bullying as people with disabilities and loved ones of people with disabilities and it really got me thinking about what I think bullying is.  I live in a part of our county where I feel I am safe in saying that education about disability and laws pertaining to those of us with disabilities is lacking.  Many people labor under the assumption that those of us with disabilities are to be taken care of and to inspire but we are not generally seen as full contributors to our communities. Generally in my day to day activities it still shocks people that I am responsible for several small humans during a given day, that I have a college degree, that I have  family who doesn’t have issues with me living an hour away from them ,and most of all that I don’t spend all my time wishing I could get around without my various mobility aids.   But those ideas themselves don’t make someone a bully.  In fact many people are very kind, but their idea of what a person with a disability is often trips them up in their interaction with me.   Here’s some real life examples from my day to day life.

1. Stopping  me on the street to ask me where my caregiver or parent is.
2  Offering to help me cross the street because the person is sure I’m not able to do that alone
3  Telling me that it’s super worrying that I’m doing something alone because who will help me when I need it.  And then telling me that my explanation isn’t allaying your fears.
4 Stopping me in a store to make sure I understand that I can’t just take something  (You know you have to pay right?)
5 Asking if you can pray for or lay hands on me because it will bring about my total healing and then I’ll have a happy life.
6 Asking me  inappropriate personal questions about my body or sex life because you’ve always wanted to ask.
All these things are awkward inappropriate and exhausting to be asked on a regular basis but they aren’t to my mind anyway actual bullying. They come from people who I like to believe have an interest or an actual concern but aren’t educated in the right way to engage a person who they see as different.

Bullying is about making someone feel bad about being themselves.  Attacking their self worth.  It’s about the bully’s need to feel superior or better about themselves and in my opinion  has nothing whatsoever to do with the person who is the target. Children often bully other children because they have low self esteem themselves or they think it will make the popular , some kids do it because they don’t want to be bullied themselves.  For children there is always hope to educate , there is hope that as they grow and mature they will understand why bullying is wrong. I know I did things as a kid and young adult I would love to take back.  Adults who bully, to be honest  I can’t think of any forgivable reason  for adults  who feel the need to bully but I have personal examples of that too.  Because it’s important to understand the difference if you want to be an ally.

1.Yelling retard out your car window as you pass by
2 loudly annoucing to a supermarket aisle full of people that you hope I’m not using my food stamps that you paid for to buy bathroom cleaner  (No food stamps here dude, but what are you saying poor people don’t deserve clean bathrooms?)
3 Following me around a public park and threating to call the police because you don’t think I an capable/allowed to be alone with kids
4. Sitting down uninvited at a table with me to whisper to me I need to get a job and stop being lazy
5  “You can’t possibly be a person of faith, People of faith don’t have handicaps.  What did you/your parents do to make you this way.?”
6. Watching the way I walk and then screaming out in a crowd of people that I’ve had more than enough to drink.
I could probably fill a book with the ridiculously obnoxious things total strangers have said to me in an effort to exert some sort of power over me.  Because they see me as weak or want to make sure I know my place in the pecking order of human beings. Sometimes it hurts me but mostly I just feel that the person isn’t very smart.  On the rare occasion that I decide to speak out to people who do this most of them slink off in embarrassment.  Once a person started to cry when she realized I actually had a reason for doing what I was doing. I never actually spoke to her, she was busy trying to say she was sorry.  And I suppose I could have heard her out but I got to keep it real  as an adult when you make the decision to bully I don’t have time for your I’m sorry’s Because to me that’s an I’m sorry I got caught acting foolishly.  I want to spend my time and energy with  people who have a genuine interest in learning about my life with CP  or getting to know me.  This also applies to those who say something nasty and follow it up with “oh not you I didn’t man you. I know you.’ No adult should have to know someone with a disability or any other perceived difference or their story to treat them with respect.   That’s really the bottom line for me.  If we all start from a place of basic respect there will be no need for apologies or blog posts and instagram feeds with stories like this   On a personal note one of the reasons I  am super excited about the prospect of a new service dog is that I experience much less bullying and social violence when I am with a service dog.  I want to thank all of your support thus far.  Anyone who is interested in finding out more or supporting me in this amazing journey please see the links at the top of the blog.  (I am so excited that I finally figured out how to put links on my blog!!!).   Have a great day my friends and remember to keep doing you 💚😊